Sometimes you have to give up on people. Not because you don’t care but because they don’t. A person’s actions will tell you everything you need to know. Love yourself enough to say goodbye to those who don’t make time for you or don’t know how to love you back. Let go of what hurts, even if it hurts to let go.
Jennifer Green
It was my personal ice age, the year we weren’t friends. The Work Bestie was still the first person I wanted to tell all my things to. I aced that awful physiology class, just like he’d said I would. As soon as the grade was posted, I took out my phone to let him know he was right, this time. Then I just put it away without typing anything. I was only allowing myself to have work-relevant interactions. For unrelated reasons, he had cut back dramatically on his involvement at our shared workplace. I don’t think he was on campus more than twice that whole year. So there wasn’t a lot of work-related stuff that needed to be said. There was so much silence that year.
He had become my best friend, but he was not my only friend. In fact, we have a number of friends and acquaintances in common through work. I heard from multiple sources that he and his girlfriend had broken up. I had very mixed feelings about that. Before my lightning-strike moment, when I had more appropriate thoughts, I’d seen a few things that made me sure I didn’t want a relationship like theirs. To each their own, though. After the lightning strike, hearing that he was single was a little exciting, but I didn’t want it to be. He wasn’t around anymore, and I wasn’t looking for anything in general, and I don’t mess around with younger, or with colleagues, or long distance either. Nope. Nope. Nope… But, maybe, though.
The Work Bestie was at work for a weekend towards the end of the-year-we-weren’t-friends. We were both staying on campus again that night. I figured that would be when he would tell me about the breakup, but he didn’t. We used to talk about ALL the things. His silence on the subject was kinda weird. I pressed a little, in a “do you have anything you’d like to tell me?” kinda way. Nothing. Another colleague even started to say something, and the Work Bestie shut him down like he didn’t want anyone to say anything in front of me. At that point, I was starting to get offended.
Clearly, he was single, but I guess I was the only person on the planet not allowed to know about it? Did he think that the instant I found out, I would jump his bones in front of God and everyone? Like, dude, you’re cute, but you ain’t that cute. Whatevs. I didn’t think I had ever been inappropriate with him such that he would have to worry about me so much as knowing he was single. I mean, I thought we were more than just colleagues and that I would at least make the long list of friends he told about his breakup, but I was wrong.
He and I hadn’t become friends so much as we had discovered an old friend the day we met. We may not have known it that day, but from the very beginning everything seemed to fit effortlessly every time we talked. It had been so easy to fall into each other’s lives, and so painful to put a proper and respectful distance between us. I couldn’t understand why it was so hard to go back to being us. I wasn’t trying to start anything. I just wanted my friend back. I guess that’s not what he wanted, though.
I didn’t have time for this nonsense. I was focused on my plan to get out of my ex-husband’s house. The ex and I had been in separate bedrooms for a decade, but the man had no interest in working with me toward separate households. Thankfully, friends helped me find and retain a lawyer. I finally filed for divorce, and the kids and I were able to move in with a friend at the end of November 2015. I was busy changing an entire adult life in progress. I had work, school, kids, and divorce. I was busy, just not too busy to miss talking with the Work Bestie. I had liked thinking we were friends. I really hate not being friends with him is all.
No, you don’t judge me
Julia Michaels
‘Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too
‘Cause I’ve got issues, but you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me, and I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory of all our problems
‘Cause we got the kind of love it takes to solve ’em
Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need ya
Issues
Crystal, Clearly 
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